Feeling really uneasy lately about everything, I don't know why really.  Feel like I can't trust some people as much as I would like to.  I am looking for that happy place again.  When i feel like everything is good and fine I get inspired to create.  That just hasn't happened yet and its a real bummer because I want to create things so badly but when it comes time to put it on something the mind goes wondering and I can't focus.  I need that focus so I can start creating again.  The Only thing I can think of lately is story lines that involve many of the games and books that I have read.  Which isn't bad I suppose because even though I couldn't write a book some of the games I currently play I reinvent them by adding a side story of my own and then fulfilling it somehow.  This is mainly done on Oblivion on the pc because with that game you can virtually do anything.  It plays into the era that I love the most.  Old age fantasy is the best, with the magic, swords, hammers, bow & arrow, its simply amazing.   Reading the Eragon, Eldest, and Brisngr plays a huge part of it because I really got into the books so much and wish a really good game could be made from it.

Final Fantasy 14 is coming out soon and with my current situation I don't even know if I am going to be able to afford to buy it and if I can, who knows if I can keep up the monthly fee.  Though its low times are hard enough as it is.  I have to put in loads of work hours just so I make sure that I can make the bills.  I give so much credit and respect to my friend Cody because he has helped me out with so many bad situations that has cost him alot of money.  He doesn't hound me over it and is ok with me paying him a small portion of it back to him.  This is a guy whos karma is through the roof and he will get paid for it one day.  Should make him as writer for the WWE.  Atleast the storylines wouldn't be so horrible that you can almost not want to watch because you can pretty much guess whats going to happen or its frustrating because its the same crap week to week.

Aw hell I don't know.  I just need to get past this I guess.  Either something will finally go right that life will be easier or I just have to keep struggling and deal with it.  Hoping its the first one, but as life rolls on I am a father and husband and it is my duty to care and provide for my family.